I can’t sleep, and now I know why…

My family and I made it home safely on Monday.

I have been on my fair share of mission trips in my young life, and I have thought that for the past couple of years that I would only go to Brazil, and that every other place in the world was just not my cup of tea…Somehow, my family, especially my sister Rebekah, talked me into going to Moldova this year, so I gave in and came…little did I know how much my life would change…

I’ll be the first to admit that I love doing His work and I love being part of a team who feels the exact same that I do, but when I first got to Moldova last Sunday, I wanted to be on the first flight out of there. Something inside of me wasn’t connecting and I really didn’t feel that I belonged there. I swallowed my pride and went about staining countless pieces of wood and unloading even more…

One day, one of our team leaders, Brian, sat down with me during lunch, and we had a heart to heart talk. I told him that I didn’t want to be there, and that I just wanted to go home, but he assured me that I was sent here for a reason, even though that reason wasn’t clear to me at the point…something clicked…that missing piece in my heart, found its place, and from that moment on, I knew that God had sent me to this country that hardly any of my friends and family had even heard of, for a certain reason…

I think everything really hit me on Friday morning, when Laura told me that some of the guys had shown up early to finish putting together the rest of the beds…I ran to the third dorm, to see what they had accomplished, and when I looked in the first room, tears ran down my face. I was so impressed with what Dima, Ivan, Vasile, and Artur had done, words really can’t do justice to that moment…

My heart really goes out to the older kids, because I am kind of at the same point in my life as they are…I’m going off to college next month, and I’m being forced to face the world on my own, and I know that they are already facing this big, scary world by themselves, and it truly makes me admire each and everyone of them. I’m really struggling to force myself to grow up, and to have to see these guys grow up so much faster than what I have ever had to do, just floors me…

So, as I sit at home, a few bruises and paper flowers later, I can’t sleep…not just because of jet lag, but also because I really was changed this past week…it’s amazing that me, a person who only sees in black and white, finally gets the big picture…if you had asked me not even a month ago if I was excited and ready for this trip, I would have told you that I didn’t really care, and that I was just going because my family wanted me to…but now, I know with all my being that God had a reason for me going, and I’m so thankful that he opened my eyes to realize that Brazil is not the only place he wants me to be, but he wants me in Moldova as well…I’m so proud of our team, and all that we accomplished this past week, it’s amazing at what He can do in such a short amount of time!

In God’s grace,

3 Comments on “I can’t sleep, and now I know why…”

  1. Ashley Lovell

    That was great! Thank you so much for your honesty and for sharing thoughts as you process them. I value those insights very much. You were a hard worker and a great source of fun and friendship. I hope that you continue to find God’s grace and his vision for your life as you work through all that this time in life brings you. I know it’s hard and I’ll be praying for your transitions.
    Thanks for being part of such a great team. And keep blogging!!!

  2. Linda

    I am so proud of you! I know in my heart that God has a very special plan for you… It is exciting to watch you grow in Christ.
    Looking at you with the eyes of your mom, which I am, I can’t help but swell up with love and pride as you minister and serve others. You are such a hard worker and I will put you up with any one b/c I know you can do the job. I loved to watch you interact with the older boys at the orphanage. You showed them love and your tender heart. These guys know you are the real thing and they know you truly do love them. They now have a friend for life! How fortunate they are to have a freind like you!
    Remember, Jess, as you go off to school in a couple of months, God will continue to use you there as He has used you in Moldova and in Brazil! Don’t be scared, God is always there with you.
    Again, I love you and I am proud of you!


    That was so well stated! I can so relate to what you wrote. I was not quite sure I had made the right decision the first day or two, then BAM! It all clicked after some long looks inside me and determing exactly why I was there.

    I admire the hard work you displayed, you . This team really was ready to “Git R Done”. I can’t get “A pile of Cheese ” out of my mind, THANKS Jess-A-Ca for that one HA


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